Day 5: Surrendering and letting go of the broken sea shells

The word "Surrender" does not bring about warm fuzzy feelings at all, does it? I hear that word and literally cringe. I think of armies that have given up and "surrendered",or relationships where one had to "surrender" in order to make it work, or the things I hold onto that I need to "surrender". Why is it necessary to surrender or let go of ANYTHING in order to "Practice the Pause". 

I wrote yesterday about my tattoo and about the rose bud and how I've paid close attention to it as of late because I wanted a rosebud in my tattoo.  Actually, I wanted a whole rose, but ended up with the rose bud because it seemed more poignant. I look at this picture and to me, the rose bud looks tight and protective.  It doesn't want to open quite yet and yet it's desperate to share what is inside. If we tried to open it before it was ready it would be ruined. Each layer would break away and the beautiful part of this flower, the rose itself, would be destroyed. I am like this. I hold on so tight to the things that matter to me. Whether it's a friendship or a job or a relationship with someone I am mentoring or even a piece of clothing that no longer fits me; I just don't like letting go without a fight. To me, surrender represents failure. I was unable to fix it, didn't fight hard enough, couldn't work hard enough, I just wasn't enough or I wouldn't need to surrender whatever it is. 

Again, my visual mind sees my fists hanging on so tightly that I have to have each finger pried open so that I finally expose what I'm holding onto so tightly, and as a result, I let go.  Many years ago a very wise man told me the story of a little boy walking on the beach looking for shells. His hands were so full he couldn't hold anymore.  His father pointed out a very big, perfect, beautiful shell to him in the surf.  The little boy gripped his seashells so tightly and said, "I can't pick it up, my hands are full!!!".  His father gently peeled his hands apart and showed the little boy all the broken shells in his hands. The father said, "You're so busy picking up all the broken pieces of shells, you can't see the beautiful perfect on right in front of you!".  I have NEVER forgotten that story. Many times I try to establish what I am holding onto?  Broken relationships that will never be fixed? A dream for my child that isn't their own? My emotions based on the feelings of others?  And what am I missing out on because I won't let go of all of the broken shells that I am gripping in my hands SO tightly they are cutting my flesh? 

So today, I am striving to find peace in letting go.  Today as I practice the pause I am desperate to see myself in total surrender with a smile on my face. I am not just releasing the clench my fingers have on all the broken sea shells in my life, I am working to lift my arms in absolute total surrender of all that holds me.....the bitterness, the anger, the grief, the pain, the brokenness; and to replace it all with a peace that makes me smile on the inside as well as with my whole body.  Practice the pause by letting go, in complete surrender.