Day 6: Reconnecting with my joy

I am more than a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and encouragement I am receiving with my blog posts. I have been honored by those who have sent me private messages to tell me their own stories. It is truly humbling and I'm very thankful that this little writing journey has encouraged others.

I pulled out the phrase: "re-aligning and reconnecting with your joy" from my "Practice the Pause" quote. When I think about what brings me joy, I think of the people in my world. My family, my friends, my customers. Other things bring me joy, like my Harley!  But really it's my relationships that bring me more joy than anything. I think that is why when a relationship is broken or damaged or lost, it hurts me so deeply. It's in the moments that I am with "my people" that I feel that I am not just smiling on the outside, but I am smiling on the inside.

If someone were to ask me "What makes you happy?"I think the answer would be much different than "What brings you joy".  A clean house makes me happy. A good night sleep makes me happy.  A nap makes me happy. Certain foods and drinks make me happy!  But the things that bring me joy go way deeper than that. An unexpected text or phone call or message from someone brings me joy.  When I hear from the girls I used to mentor about how the things I taught them still resonate with them, I have joy. When all my children are under my roof with me, I have deep joy. When I am with my friends and I feel safe, I have joy. When I sit and stare at the ocean, I have joy, even if there are tears streaming down my face. You see, it is possible to have joy in sadness. Joy and happiness are not the same thing. We can feel sadness and pain and still have joy.  I believe it is when we let the sadness overtake our joy that we become bitter and angry and cannot reconnect to our joy.

Going back to identifying what brings me joy:  the people in my life.  Why is it that that landscape changes so often and when it does, there is such a loss?  I have people I have been friends with for a very short time and it feels that there was never a time they were not a part of my life. And I have lifelong friends that are distant strangers. How do we accept the changing scenery of our lives when we are connected to others with so many facets and threads?  It is hard to not become bitter as we grieve the losses of relationships and friendships; some of which that had no cause for distance, except life circumstances.

On my GPS there is an option to "Re-center".  When I hit that button, it brings the landscape back in focus and shows me exactly where I am and where I am going. WOW! Wouldn't that be nice?  To have a simple button you could hit and everything would be centered again and your destination would be in focus?  To have someone telling you at all times which direction to go, who to trust, where to be, and when to be there; all for the sake of obtaining joy and avoiding pain?  We think we would like it, but we WOULD HATE IT!  The best part about the journey of life is the unknown in many ways.  If someone could tell you the end of the story, would you want to know it?  I wouldn't.

When grief hits, which is does without warning; I find myself grieving all the loss. Even those things that have been reconciled. I went to talk to a counselor during a particularly dark time in my life and she told me that I focused too much on the past and needed to focus on the future.  While I agree with that in theory, it goes against Counseling 101! You cannot move forward till you resolve the past issues that you are hung up on. I agree that I cannot dwell in the past or in the losses, but I also cannot just forget they every happened and learn nothing from them!  They are part of the tapestry of my life and I must understand how the threads intertwine.

Shortly after my brother died my father reminded us of the illustration he had used many times in his preaching.  I had heard it before, but now that my brother was in heaven, it made so much more sense.  He said that when we look at our life, we only see the underpart of the tapestry. Knots and chaos and different colored threads everywhere. But the top of the tapestry is a beautiful picture of something amazing.  If you are only looking at the mess underneath, you may miss the chance to see the beautiful plan and design that is ahead of you.  I have spent many years of my life focusing on the chaos and the "I don't understand's" of the circumstances that surround me.  Today I am reminding myself to reconnect to my joy, for that will lead me to see the beautiful landscape of my life.