Special Thanksgiving Memories

Today is Thanksgiving, 2008. I am sitting on my bed recuperating from foot surgery and watching the Macys Parade. As I watch the floats go by, I remember other years when I watched those same floats drift by. As a child, I remember the Smurf that I just saw, or the Garfield and Snoopy. They haven't changed, but I sure have. No longer a little girl, no longer able to just ENJOY the holiday, eat the food, shop the newspaper. So much time gone by, so many people no longer with us. So, I reflect now, and remember the things that made Thanksgiving wonderful in years past.

Not yet mentioned in my blog is the fact that my brother, Mark, 16 years old, died 15 years ago in a car accident. So, every holiday that goes by is filled with an aching for the one not with us. I can't help but wonder how many children he would've had by now. Would they be best friends with my children? Who would his wife have been? I can't miss the hollow look still hidden in my mother's eyes. And though she is filled with joy and love and happiness, and most people would never know she lost a child 15 years ago, I know. And I see the longing in her heart for what waits for her in heaven. I know when my Dad gets real quiet where his mind has gone. As a mother, I am trying to soak up every holiday, every special occasion with my kids. For I do not know what tomorrow holds. My parents filled our days with love and happiness. Our memories of Mark are filled with sweet, sweet gifts of special family times and good moments.

I have memories from my childhood of Thanksgiving dinners spent with the Ferguson family. I remember Doug and Donna were Cowboys fans, and my parents were Eagles fans. The years that those two teams played against each other were the most fun. Donna would always bring celery sticks with cheeze whiz, and that was SUCH a treat, in my eyes! I loved spending the day with Kim, especially. Not a Thanksgiving goes by that I don't remember those special years. Donna is in heaven now. Her last years were very difficult for her, but I remember her the way she was when I was a child. And through my eyes, she was pretty amazing.

Another memory I have is of my Grandmother, also now in heaven. She was always happiest when her whole family (all 7 children and tons of grands) were with her on the holidays. Some years, when the Ohio Watts would come for Thanksgiving, we would all go to her house for dinner. We would set up tables that stretched almost the length of her house. Eating buffet style was not an option. We all had to sit at the same table. Grandmother would make chex mix every year. I remember the smell of her house on Thanksgiving. A mixture of good food, and the sweet smell of the house of a Grandmother. We would all share a verse and something we were thankful for. Those memories are forever stored in the vault of my heart.

One other memory I have is sitting with my Situ (my Dad's mom) after Thanksgiving dinner and going through every news paper ad with her. We knew that she would buy us at least ONE of the items we coveted. I remember her being full of life, and as excited as we are about seeing the new toys. Christmas was just around the corner, and my Situ LOVED Christmas. She lives a very different life now. One filled with loneliness and regret. I tell myself often that I am NOT a good granddaughter. I forget her way too often. I am thankful, though, for the incredible memories I have of her, and the time that she always spent with us.

So, while Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, I am also using it to remember. Remember the people no longer with us. I am grasping the reminder to hold every moment dear. To make every minute count. We do not know what the next year holds. I am reminded that God is sovereign and we can trust him.