Anxiety and it's triggers

I was out in the barn during the massive storms that hit our area a few weeks ago. 50-70 mph wind gusts and rain at 2-3 inches an hour, for almost 24 hours led to a very stressed-out rescued horse!  The barn sounded like freight trains were coming across the roof, the doors were shaking, the other horses outside were whinnying, and Apollo was amped up from the anxiety. They do not handle wind and storms too well. They are prey animals, and when their environment changes, such as high winds, pouring rain, or loud noises, their anxiety is off the chart because of the unknown.  

I started thinking about the correlation between a broken horse and a broken human. Sometimes anxiety creeps in and makes its way into your soul and you don't know where or why it's there. As I observed Apollo, I knew he had no idea why he was scared. He didn't know that the storm coming was the "trigger" for his fear and anxiety, he just knew he was scared. As much as I tried to console him and reassure him, his anxiety was way louder than my voice, and he doesn’t trust me yet, so all I was doing was adding to his fear.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I can relate to this in so many ways. We really can
never be fully prepared for when anxiety or fear hits us. We could have a crystal ball, and know exactly who, what, or when "IT" was going to appear, and we would still have that uncertainty which can lead to fear, insecurity, and emotional distress. I have learned, through extensive self-care work, studying the Word, and reading about the journeys of others that when anxiety hits, our body is trying to tell us something. Whether it’s a physical or emotional response, it is still a very palpable feeling that requires a reaction. For Apollo, he could hear all the scary sounds around him, and he had no idea how to cope. He felt alone and wanted to trust me, but I hadn’t earned that yet. He felt he was on his own. And isn’t that exactly how anxiety feels? Lonely, without control, yet desperate for someone to help?

My earliest memory of that sick feeling in my stomach which I now know is anxiety, was when my younger brother, Chuck, got lost in a campground. I was 5. As I grew up, that feeling intensified when I was afraid, anxious, nervous, or unsure. I felt everything in my stomach. Sometimes it was severe enough to have me bent over in pain, sometimes it was just a nagging discomfort, but it is absolutely related to an anxious situation.

What I have learned over the years is that it is okay to be anxious at times. That is our body warning us of a situation that could cause us some type of stress or discomfort. However, living with constant anxiety is not okay, nor does anyone choose that life. The verses in 1 Peter 5:7 and Philippians 4:6-7 are familiar to all of us: Cast all your anxiety on him…..Of course, these are truths that comfort us just by knowing Jesus is there to take it on. Just like I was there to help Apollo, but in the same emptiness that my presence offered Apollo, sometimes those verses definitely just feel like cliché words that should be on a magnet. As if we are oversimplifying the issues at heart. And then THAT feeling becomes a source of anxiety as we desperately look for an escape.

I have recently been drawn to Lamentations 3:19-26 as my reminder that my God does not want me to live without hope, or be consumed by anxiety. He offers me his great love, which is new every morning. He is faithful and steadfast, which means while I may change and move away from him, he does not change and he does not move. He is right where I left him, waiting to offer me hope.

Lamentations 3 says; “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

So much of my anxiety and fear stems from memories of hard things in my life. Hard things that happened to me, and of my own hand. Hard things that bring shame, grief, sadness, fear, and always anxiety. But according to Lamentations, my hope is simply in the Lord, and while sometimes I need to wait, I do not need to fear. Lamentations 3:55-58 goes on to say, “I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my pleas. ‘Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.’ You came near when I called you, and you said, do not fear. O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life.”

What an amazing, beautiful, and hopeful passage this gives to those who struggle with fear and anxiety. When we call on our Jesus, from the pit of grief and shame and sin, he hears us. He WAITS for us to reach out and then he scoops us up and redeems the pain. Oh my friend, cast your anxiety on Jesus….he really really does care for you, and so do I!