Finding JOY in being PRESENT

 

If you know me at all, or even just follow me on social media, then you know I have an amazing and beautiful new grandbaby. She is now 8 months old and every single minute of her life, since the day she was born, has been better than the one before. People told me all the time...."Just wait till you have grandchildren! It changes everything!" I just couldn't even begin to imagine how it could "change everything" or be better than having my own children, but....OH. MY. GOODNESS!  I am a lunatic!!!  But the lessons I have already learned from this sweet baby, and from being her Situ (Lebanese for Grandmother) is 10 fold!  

I have heard people talk about "being present" before. I've seen the memes, I've shared the posts, it isn't a new concept to me. But when Amelia came along, I began to truly practice being present. It was not a conscious decision to "be present" when I was with Amelia, but it became my heart's desire. In her first days, I was given the unique gift of being permitted by her first time Mommy to sit and hold her for hours while Danielle slept. And I didn't sit in front of the tv, I wasn't answering emails or working, I wasn't even reading a book. I was sitting in the rocking chair, rocking my fussy new grandbaby for hours while her Mommy slept. Sometimes she would sleep just as long, but rarely! Her just born belly was always hurting her and she didn't just sleep her life away like most newborns. Those times became known as "Situ Naps" and Danielle would call me and say, "It's time for a Situ nap", and off I went. Being present. 

As Amelia got a little older, I was given the amazing privilege of having her for regular "sleep overs". I would cuddle her in my bed to get her to sleep, and then I wouldn't move. I would literally just watch her sleep until I fell asleep. I decided after the first time that happened that it would ALWAYS be the norm at Situ's. She would NEVER go to sleep alone, and would always sleep with me if she wanted to. I ADORED both of my grandmother's. My relationship with each of them was unique and special and life long. But, at my maternal grandmother's, I was afraid to sleep over as a kid. I was always homesick. At MY Situ's, I never wanted to go home. And my Situ always let me sleep in her bed and would fall asleep holding my hand.  Something I passed on to my children. When I nap with Amelia, I turn my phone on Do Not Disturb, tv is off, and I just lay there watching her. I am present. Sometimes she will wake up and startle and then look up at me, smile, and go back to sleep. Almost like she is saying..."Just making sure you're still here!" Yes babygirl....Situ is still here. 

This idea of being present has become something stirring in my soul and mind for the last several weeks, and I knew it would be my March post. I dug up this old photo of this woman in a crowd and everyone else is looking at their phones, trying to capture the moment, fighting each other, but she is just standing there, arms folded, taking in that special moment. Her memory of it will be crystal clear. She will remember what it looked like to see whatever it is she was looking at. She will remember her peace, not that she was part of frenzy. She will not worry that she didn't capture the moment on her phone, because it will be engraved in her heart forever. Lately I have been reminded of this photo when my adult kids come home and want to tell me about their day. Almost every night my husband and I go to bed around 9:30/10 to lay in bed and watch tv before we sleep. My kids were all working the late shifts until recently, so one by one they would all get home and one by one they would all come in our room to tell us about their day. Listen, at that hour, after a whole day of real estate and talking to everyone under the sun, I do NOT feel like listening to them talk about the ins and outs of their day. And I used to say after a few minutes....Ok!  OUT!  But over the last few months I have stopped telling them to move along. I have tried VERY hard to pause the tv, put down my phone, make eye contact, and listen to them. I am not always successful, but I am working hard to make sure that all they remember is that I was always present in the moment. No text is so important that it cannot wait a few minutes. No video has to be watched at that moment. No tv show will  not still be there later. Nothing is more important than those few moments and I need to BE PRESENT. 

What will our children and grandchildren learn from us if we are always in the moment with them. What type of confidence and security will it build in my grandbaby if she knows that, NO MATTER WHAT, Situ is ALWAYS there for me. Her perception, her foundation, her building blocks have been built since her birth on people who are present. In this crazy messed up world, that will be her lifeline. We do not know what will happen next. We do not know how our lives can change, how different things can be tomorrow, next week, next month. If Covid has taught us anything, it is how to be happy at home. I am trying to take that a step further and trying to find joy in being present in every moment, like I am when Amelia comes over or I go see her. Sometimes that means turning the radio off in the car just so I can hear my own thoughts. Sometimes it means getting up at 5:15 because those are the hours that no one needs me and I can be present for myself. Sometimes it means putting the phone on do not disturb just because it's dinner time and the whole family is home....OR just two of us!  Whatever steps you need to take to be PRESENT, start taking them. One at a time. I believe firmly the joy I find watching Amelia sleep curled up next to me is what powers me through hard things. I believe firmly that the time I spend with myself in the mornings is powering me through self-doubt and insecurities. I believe in being present.