Am I the judger, the judged, or the one who makes it all stop?

I was in a very unique position lately.  I had a chance to spend some time with someone who I had never met, but I had heard a whole lot about.  Nothing I had heard was good. None of it. But a mutual friend was very close to her, and this person was someone I highly respected, so it only seemed fair that I give this person a chance.  So I did. Through the course of the day together, it became evident that my initial opinions of her were kindof spot on, but that they were based on a period of time in her life that was in the past, and she was not that person anymore.  Her "rebellious years" came much later in life, and unfortunately, during a period of time where grown adults had fun running their mouths about her. 

Because of my own experiences, I stepped WAY back from it all, and just chose to not involve myself in any way.  I didn't go to her and try to be her friend.  I didn't have any reason not to believe what the chatter was, because she certainly made it seem like it was all true. But the one thing that was not adding up to me 
was that mutual friend we had that was sticking by her through it all.  And that one friend made a big difference, in my opinion. Either that person was really jaded, or they saw something that I just couldn't see.  So, I decided it was time for me to figure it out for myself.  And I did.  And her story, that I heard FROM HER, was filled with some things that the chatter didn't offer and some that it did.  The truth was, of course, somewhere in the middle.  Perception had some truth, because she freely admited she was in a state of "rebellion and fun" and that was the stuff that made me steer clear.  BUT, there was so much more to her, and that is what I was so glad I was able to get a chance to learn about.  In addition, she has moved away from all that other stuff, and now she just wants people to see who she really is, and not all that garbage.  That is gonna be hard.  I mean, really hard.  But now she doesn't just have that one mutual friend, she has me too.  And one of my friends, who is also invested now too.  Cause really, we just all need someone to invest in us a little bit, don't we?  We all deserve for someone to stand by us as we walk through the judgement zone and not let others judge us because someone is vouching for us. Right?

I've been put through my own judgement zone, but not by strangers. I don't know why it surprises me when it happens, or when it comes from those closest to me, but it always surprises me. I consider myself to be highly approachable. I will lose sleep if I think someone is upset with me. My mom just recently commented that I am "relentless when it comes to my friends".  If I think someone is upset with me, or there is unresolved conflict, I will pursue that person until I can fix whatever the problem is between me and that friend.  Or at least I used to be that way.  The last several years have just exhuasted me and made me numb, I think. I am sometimes just sad as I sit and think of the loss, the

lack of trust, and my inability to believe in friendships anymore.  I know that I am just as fallible as the next person. By no means am I claiming to be the perfect friend, or the perfect person. I know I do things to hurt others, but I also know that I do not do it intentionally and my heart is broken if I find that I have hurt someone. When I find out that those I call my "inner circle" or my "closest friends" are not that all all, it breaks me. I'm sure that's not different from anyone else. I'm sure anyone reading this would feel the same way, unless they are cold hearted and aren't really the friend to others they say they are!  But lately, I have found myself almost numb. If someone is determined to turn others against you, it will happen if those people are not willing to stand for what is right and shut down the gossip and the meanness. 

That judgement zone is something else isn't it?  Whether you are the one doing the judging or the one being judged, it's a bad place to be; and I have news for all of us.......there are only THREE people you can be:  the one being judged, the one judging, or the one stopping the judgement.  There is not a fourth option.  EVER.  

Social media has become a weapon that others use to hurt those they once claimed to love. We "friend" someone so that eventually we can "unfriend" them, or "block" them, or WORSE.....keep them as a "friend", but exclude them from our lives in other ways. We

make sure that we post only the best parts of our lives, but not the bad. We use quotes and memes to take shots at people or to make ourselves looks good, but we do not have the guts to just speak up and say things to each other face to face. Why not have the courage to just pick up the phone and set up a meeting and try to resolve whatever conflict makes you think of that person when you see that quote?



I posted this quote this evening:  "Watch out for people who are always bragging about who they are.  A lion will never have to tell me it's a lion."  I want to be a lion.  I don't want people to ever wonder who I am, what I stand for, or what to expect from me. I want to be secure in myself that it isn't necessary for me to post things about my station in my life or how good I am at ANYTHING. I do not want to have to tear others down to make myself feel better about myself. I do not want to be the one throwing shots at others so that I look less mean.  I strive to be genuine and real, and for people to know that by my actions, and for me to feel it in my soul, and not need to say it and boast about it and be "filled up" like a gas tank. 

I am trying very hard to come away from my state of feeling numb. I am trying to invest in people again, and to trust again, even though I know it will hurt at some point, maybe. I am trying to be the one that STOPS the gossip because I am WISE and so that people know I am the one that the judgement will STOP with, and they will be SAFER with me than with anyone else, because they never hear me talk bad about anyone else. 

Because truly, who am I to judge? I am broken, I am flawed, I am wrong, I am not perfect, I am sinful, I am.......human.......but I will love hard......if you will let me.